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My neighbor Amanda showed up at my door last Thursday with a bottle of wine and this look on her face like someone had died. Turns out she’d just submitted an offer on a condo and was absolutely spiraling. “Did I offer too much? What if the plumbing’s all messed up? Oh god, what if I can’t actually do this?” We ended up drinking that entire bottle while I walked her through everything. She’s closing in three weeks and doing fine now, but yeah that initial panic when you’re about to spend more money than you’ve ever even thought about? Completely normal.
Here’s the thing about buying your first place: nobody tells you what actually happens. You watch those house-hunting shows where people are like “ooh, I don’t like the backsplash” and then suddenly they’re moving in. Real life’s messier. Way messier. But also way more manageable once somebody breaks it down for you.
Let’s Get Real About Money
Okay, so everyone’s always talking about down payments. That’s the big scary number, right? But I’m gonna be straight with you that’s actually just the start. My buddy Carlos saved up $28,000 over like four years, felt amazing about it, and then got absolutely demolished by all the other costs nobody warned him about.
Closing costs ran him another $6,500. His first property tax bill was $3,200. Homeowners insurance was $1,680 for the year. The previous owners took the washer and dryer even though Carlos thought they were included, so that was another $900 for used ones off Craigslist. His first heating bill that winter was $340 for one month. ONE MONTH. He called me like “dude, is this normal?” Unfortunately, yeah, kinda is.
Property taxes are insane depending on where you live. My town’s not too bad I pay about $4,800 annually. My coworker lives twenty minutes away and pays $9,200 for basically the same size house. It’s wild. You gotta check this stuff before you commit because that bill comes every year whether you like it or not.
And insurance man. When I was renting I think I paid $12 a month for renters insurance? Didn’t even really think about it. Now I’m paying $165 monthly for homeowners insurance, and that’s actually pretty decent. My friend in Louisiana pays over $400 because of hurricane risk. It’s brutal.
Banks are gonna dig through your entire financial history like they’re investigating a crime. Credit score, job stability, every debt you owe, how many times you’ve switched jobs. My sister Rachel had a 635 credit score a couple years back. Not terrible, but not great. She buckled down and spent almost a year fixing it paid off her car loan early, cleared out her credit cards, got some old medical collections thing removed that was bogus anyway. Got her score up to 715. The difference in her interest rate saved her something like $40,000 over the life of her loan. Forty thousand dollars! For a year of being responsible with money. Totally worth it.
Figure out what you can actually handle monthly, and I mean ACTUALLY handle. Don’t just look at what the bank says you qualify for. I qualified for like $150,000 more than I borrowed, but if I’d maxed that out I’d be eating ramen and never leaving my house. I wanted to still have a life, you know? Go out with friends, take trips, not stress about every purchase. Your mortgage payment should fit into your life, not consume it.
Mortgages Are Deliberately Confusing (Probably)
Fixed-rate mortgages are straightforward, which is why I like them. You lock in whatever rate you get let’s say 6.8% and that’s it for the next fifteen or thirty years. Done. My parents got theirs at 6.9% back in 2001, and even when rates dropped to like 3% during COVID, they didn’t care because theirs never went UP either. There’s real peace of mind in knowing exactly what you’ll pay every single month until the thing’s paid off.
ARMs adjustable-rate mortgages terrify me personally, but some people swear by them. They start lower, which sounds great. “Only 5.4% for the first seven years!” Okay cool, but then what happens in year eight? It adjusts based on the market. My neighbor got one in 2018 at 4.1% and just had it jump to 7.4% last month. He’s livid. I mean maybe it works if you’re 100% sure you’ll sell or refinance before the adjustment kicks in, but that’s a gamble I’m not interested in taking.
There are actually a bunch of programs for first-time buyers that more people should know about. FHA loans only need 3.5% down. VA loans are incredible if you’re a veteran sometimes literally zero down payment. Then there’s like state and local stuff too. My friend Jennifer got $10,000 in down payment assistance through some New Jersey program she’d never heard of until her lender mentioned it. Just free money sitting there that nobody talks about. Ask your lender about this stuff! They should know what’s available.
Pre-approval is absolutely non-negotiable. Not pre-qualified that’s basically meaningless. Pre-APPROVED, where a bank actually looks at everything and says “yes, we will lend you this specific amount.” Without that letter, sellers won’t even look at your offer. I’ve watched people fall completely in love with houses and then scramble to get financing only to find out they can’t borrow that much. It’s heartbreaking and so avoidable.
Where You Live Beats What You Live In, Every Time
I’ve moved around a lot eight times in twelve years across three different states. And I can tell you from very direct experience: the neighborhood matters more than the house. You can fix almost anything about a house. You can’t fix a bad location or a terrible commute.
My brother Tom bought this really nice house in what was supposedly an “up and coming” area. That was six years ago. It’s still not up and it’s definitely not coming. It’s still sketchy. He won’t walk his dog after 8 PM. There’s been two break-ins on his street this year. The house itself is great he’s put in new floors, renovated the kitchen, the whole thing looks amazing. But he hates living there and he’s trying to sell even though he’ll probably lose money. Location matters THAT much.
You gotta visit neighborhoods at different times. I cannot stress this enough. I almost bought a place that seemed perfect when I saw it on a Saturday morning. Quiet, families around, looked safe. Went back on a Wednesday night around 10 PM and discovered there’s a sports bar two blocks away that gets rowdy as hell. People shouting, car horns, just chaos. Thank god I checked.
Talk to people who actually live there. Yeah it’s awkward, but most people don’t mind. I was checking out this neighborhood near a park and just straight up asked some lady jogging what she thought. She told me about the school redistricting that was about to happen and some flooding issues in spring. Real insider info you’d never find on Zillow. Changed my whole perspective on that area.
Think about your actual daily routine too. I’m a big coffee shop person I work from home and I need to get out of the house or I’ll go crazy. My current place has three good coffee shops within walking distance. Perfect. My friend bought way out in the suburbs to get more space and now she drives 40 minutes every time she needs anything. Grocery store, gym, restaurants, everything. She’s already planning to move back closer to the city.
And don’t get hung up on cosmetic stuff that’s easy to change. I bought a house with literally the ugliest bathroom I have ever seen in my life. Peach tile. PEACH. With brass fixtures and this horrible wallpaper border of seashells. My mom saw it and actually laughed. But the location was perfect, the structure was solid, the price was right. Redid the bathroom for like $3,500 and now it’s one of my favorite rooms. Meanwhile I could’ve bought something prettier in a worse location and been stuck with that forever.
Making an Offer Without Losing Your Mind
When you find a house you really want, your brain kinda stops working right. You start picturing your couch there, your life there, holidays there. That’s when you gotta force yourself to slow down and think clearly, which is way harder than it sounds.
Look up comparable sales everyone calls them “comps.” What did similar houses on that street or nearby streets actually sell for in the last six months? And I mean sell for, not what they were listed at. In my market last year, stuff was listed at one price and selling for $30,000 over. I had to completely recalibrate my expectations. Zillow’s estimate said $380,000, but everything was going for $410,000+. Reality check.
Contingencies are there to protect you. Don’t waive them just because you’re competing with other offers. Financing contingency means if the bank says no, you’re not stuck. Appraisal contingency means if it appraises low, you can back out or renegotiate. Inspection contingency means if the inspector finds the foundation’s cracked or the roof’s about to collapse, you can walk away.
I know multiple people who waived contingencies to make their offers more attractive. Every single one has regrets. My coworker Michelle waived the inspection contingency because there were six other offers and she was desperate. Two months after moving in, the furnace died. $8,500 to replace. She literally cried when she told me. Could’ve found that in an inspection, could’ve negotiated, could’ve walked away. Now she’s just out the money.
Making a competitive offer without being an idiot about it is tricky. I offered $18,000 over asking on my place because my realtor told me there were three other serious buyers. My friend offered asking price in a slower market and got it. Just depends on what’s happening around you. A good realtor should give you honest advice about this, not just push you to offer more.
Do Not Skip the Inspection, Seriously
The inspection cost me $575 and I would’ve paid double if I’d had to. This guy Mike showed up with this massive toolkit and spent almost five hours going through absolutely everything. Attic, basement, crawlspace, roof, every outlet, every faucet, furnace, water heater, foundation. He took like 200 photos and gave me a 60-page report.
Some stuff was minor. A few outlets weren’t grounded. One window wouldn’t open all the way. Deck railing was a little loose. Whatever, no big deal.
But he also found that the main sewer line had some tree root intrusion that would need to be cleared eventually. The AC unit was original to the house 25 years old and on borrowed time. And there was some moisture in the basement that suggested a drainage issue. With that information, I went back to the seller and negotiated $7,000 off the price to cover future repairs. Absolutely worth the inspection cost.
My friend Kevin skipped his inspection because the sellers were getting multiple offers and wanted a quick close. Biggest mistake. Four months in, his basement flooded during a rainstorm. Turns out the grading around the foundation was all wrong and the gutters weren’t properly draining. Cost him $11,000 to fix between the grading work, new gutters, and waterproofing. He’s still furious about it.
Every house has problems that’s just reality. But you need to know what you’re getting into. Minor stuff you can deal with. Major structural issues might be dealbreakers, or at minimum you should negotiate for repairs or a price reduction.
Closing Day Is Weird and Exhausting
Closing is this bizarre experience where you sit in a conference room and sign papers for what feels like forever. I think I signed my name 47 times. My hand was cramping. There’s a title company person, both realtors, sometimes lawyers. They explain each document but honestly after the first twenty minutes it all becomes white noise. I had to ask my lawyer to explain the same thing about escrow twice because I zoned out.
Do a final walkthrough before closing and actually pay attention. Make sure anything that was supposed to stay is still there. Check that repairs were done if that was part of the deal. My friend didn’t notice until after she closed that the sellers had taken the nice ceiling fans and replaced them with cheap builder-grade ones. By then there was nothing she could do about it.
Then they hand you the keys and suddenly you own a house. I remember sitting in my car in the driveway afterward just staring at the keys like “wait, this is real?” Pretty surreal moment.
But here’s what nobody prepares you for: owning a house means constant stuff breaking and constant expenses. In my first two years: water heater died ($1,400), garbage disposal stopped working ($220), had to get the chimney cleaned and inspected ($350), washing machine broke ($480 to fix), some shingles blew off in a storm ($600), circuit breaker kept tripping and needed an electrician ($290). And that’s just the stuff that BROKE.
I also wanted to make improvements. Painted every room, which cost like $800 in supplies even though I did it myself. Replaced some old light fixtures. Got new bathroom hardware. Planted stuff in the yard. Put in a new backsplash. It never ends, but in a good way? Like it’s MY place to improve however I want.
Keep some awareness of property values in your area. Not like obsessively checking Zillow every day, but generally knowing what’s happening. My neighborhood’s gone up about 18% since I bought three years ago. My equity’s building, my investment’s growing. That’s kinda the whole reason to buy instead of rent.
You’re Gonna Be Okay, Promise
Buying my first house was legitimately one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done. I almost backed out like four times. Had full-on panic attacks about what if I lose my job, what if something catastrophic breaks, what if I made a horrible decision. My mom had to talk me off the ledge more than once.
But you know what? None of that stuff happened. I didn’t lose my job. Things broke but I handled them. And I didn’t make a horrible decision I actually love my house. Being able to do whatever I want with the space. Having a yard for cookouts. Never worrying about a landlord deciding to sell or raise my rent. It’s honestly pretty great.
You don’t have to know everything upfront. Nobody does. You just gotta take it step by step, ask questions constantly (even if you feel dumb), and find people who know what they’re doing to guide you. A realtor who’s patient and explains things, a lender who doesn’t talk down to you, an inspector who’s thorough.
Literally millions of people buy houses every year. Most had no idea what they were doing when they started. They figured it out as they went. You will too. And then someday you’ll be the one calming down YOUR friend when they’re freaking out about their first offer, telling them exactly what I’m telling you: breathe. Take it one step at a time. You’ve got this. It’s gonna work out.
